Here’s a collection of my all-time favorite one liner jokes in chemistry. Reading through them makes me see the lighter side of chemistry.

The one-liners

1. If you’re not part of the solution … you’re part of the precipitate.
2. Old chemists never die. They just stop reacting!
3. Wait, are all these jokes too basic for you? Because I see no reaction.
4. Are you made of copper and tellurim? Because you’re CuTe.
5. I’d give you some more chemistry jokes, but all the good ones argon.
6. Guys, stop it with the puns. We’ve all sulfured enough.

The bar collection

1. A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much a drink costs.

   The bartender says, “For you, no charge.”

2. Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve noble gasses here.”

   Helium doesn’t react.

3. Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walk into a bar.

   “OH SNaP” says the bartender.

4. Fluorine and chlorine walk into a bar.

   The bartender greets them: “Halo gens”

The Q&A collection

Click on the fuzzed out text below to reveal the answer to the one liners :)

1. Know any good chemistry jokes? Na
2. Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide? NO!
3. Want to hear a Potassium joke? K!
4. Can you tell me the chemical formula for sodium hypobromite? NaBrO
5. What are the elements of life? Lithium and Iron = LiFe
6. What do the other elements say about hydrogen? He’s such a loner!
7. What kind of fish is made up of only two sodium atoms? 2 Na
8. Why are chemists great for solving problems? Because they always have a solution!
9. Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK!
10. What do you call a plant growing in a lab? A Chemis(tree)
11. What is uranium + fluorine + oxygen? UFO
12. How do you laugh at a Helium Joke? He He He
13. How often should you tell a chemistry joke? Periodically.

Finally, a classic video that never gets old

Disclaimer: Do not do this in your chemistry lab though.